Am I getting old? Am I an old person now? Is that what I am? This is something I’ve come to ask myself more and more. I had a horrible, eye-opening moment a couple of months ago when I realised that, at 25 years old, I no longer fit into the 18-24 age bracket that so many pundits harped on about during the general election. I looked around me and saw people born post-Millennium becoming famous, staring in horror as the zeitgeist was invaded by people too young to remember the Spice Girls or Princess Di. These younguns with their fidget spinners and firm grasp of hot memes took over Twitter, made me feel like a geriatric and, worst of all, sent James Arthur to number one. Now I don’t know who to trust.
Anyway, Demi Lovato has a new song out. She’s someone who appeals to the under 25s, isn’t she? I mean, I can’t say for sure, but I’m pretty sure that’s her target market. Her new track, ‘Sorry Not Sorry’, an anonymous Radio 1 hum of shouty vocals and tedious slogans could only be aimed at the Millennials.
‘Sorry Not Sorry’ is one of the most trite, derivative tracks of the year so far. A grating drill of mind-numbing dance pop, it’s a tuneless blare of hot air, Lovato yelling over dull RnB beats and clicks. It sounds like an amalgamation of a dozen better pop songs, Lovato going through the top 40 and handpicking her faves, stripping them down for parts and reassembling them to make something that sounds deeply formulaic and unoriginal. Her Frankenstein track has the sinister, distorted male voice that we find on the likes of Katy Perry’s ‘Swish Swish’ (where it works far better), the strained vocal wailing of any Jessie J song and the jittery, percussive arrangement of Zara Larsson’s ‘So Good’ (as well as about a hundred other songs).
‘Sorry Not Sorry’ is a forgettable bit of populist rubbish, put together like a pop equation designed at scoring a top 20 hit. It’s a track that begs you to like it without offering anything to like, a squirming mess of jarring beats and shrill caterwauling. A terrible bit of noise, ‘Sorry Not Sorry’ effortlessly epitomises every God-awful trend 2017 has served us so far.