There are always some people who stick around long after the party has ended. These are the kind of people who, once the booze has been polished off, decide to combine all the dregs from half empty plastic cups to make terrible new cocktails. They’re the kind of people who realise the laptop is unprotected and seize control of the music, playing track after track of their favourite tropical house remixes. They linger long after their hosts have fallen asleep, not offering to help with the tidying up, instead talking shit in the living room, rolling fags and picking at the carpet.
It pains me to say it, but Geri, Emma and Mel B are these people. They didn’t use to be, of course. In their heyday, they were the life and soul of the party. The type of people who brought all the booze and shared it round, people who made time to speak to everyone, people who danced and danced and left before the hangover started to kick in. The Spice Girls left an indelible mark on the face of pop music along with a legacy that will go down in history. Why they’re now so dead-set on ruining it is anyone’s guess.
So where to start with GEM? Victoria and Mel C have long since left the party and, after hearing the stinker the remaining three Spices have come up with, they’ll be glad they did. ‘Song For Her’ is an utterly charmless, limp, dull bit of pop trash. There really is nothing to like here.
So what makes ‘Song For Her’ so awful? Well, it’s a lot of things. The sound is so dated, but not good-dated. It doesn’t hark back to the glory days of Girl Power, but a very watered down version of the dance music that ruled the charts in the late 2000s. And then there are the lyrics – so void of meaning and originality that it’s hard to believe these are the same women who gave us the tongue-in-cheek ‘2 Become 1’ or the fiery defiance of ‘Wannabe’. What does “She got that boom boom pop” even mean? And the vocals. The vocals on ‘Song For Her’ are so bland they are barely there, characterless layers of nothingness lain over wisps of atrocious dance synths.
Perhaps this is a demo. It certainly sounds like one. That is surely the only solace to be found here – though not even the best producers in the world could turn this turd of a pop song into anything even remotely enjoyable. So please girls, for the sake of your legacy – and your dignity – just bloody cut it out would you.